Bailey Garner (00:02.518)
Hello, mom and dad.
Toby (00:06.99)
Hello, Bailey Dyer. Hi.
Bailey Garner (00:10.394)
Welcome to our special holiday edition of the Hey Dad, Can You Talk podcast. It's Hey Dad and Mom, Can You Talk? Ho ho ho.
episode.
Toby (00:22.053)
And away we go!
Bailey Garner (00:25.818)
So, this is a little different setup, but we thought it would be fun to do a little spin off of a holiday episode since this will be our December release. And so I'm excited to bring on mom and dad together. We've been celebrating Thanksgiving and they're still here and we're prepping for Christmas making plans. And so I've been, I feel like we've been quizzing them some when we're not.
recording so I'd love to ask them some questions that I think everyone would want to hear. Some funny and some... Yeah, how do you feel about that? That's what I would like to do. Are you good with that?
Toby (01:02.762)
do you? Is that what you want to do? Oh, okay. Hey, I just, I did this because this is the closest your mother said to me in about a week since we've been in Mississippi. So, you know, whatever it takes.
Bailey Garner (01:18.75)
Oh my goodness, whatever. She loves you. It's just, you know, when her grandkids are around, she's gotta get all those snuggles.
Toby (01:26.082)
There is no doubt about it. Yep. That is true. No doubt about it.
Bailey Garner (01:29.038)
All right, so I've got, this is kind of just going to be Q and A style here and you all can share the load of who wants to answer. So my first question is for both of you, when do you start listening to Christmas music?
Toby (01:46.67)
Good year. Maybe two weeks before.
Bailey Garner (01:52.778)
Two weeks? What about you, Dad?
Toby (01:55.43)
Yeah, I'm with mom. About a couple weeks before Christmas we'll start listening to some songs. So we're not tired of them by the time Christmas gets here.
Bailey Garner (02:05.026)
What's your favorite Christmas song?
Toby (02:10.115)
Oh goodness, because you know me, I love the Hill song.
um holiday stuff but yeah yes i know uh do you want me it's uh carrie underwood singing oh holy night may be the best i've ever heard in my life
Bailey Garner (02:17.322)
You're gonna go ho- you're gonna go holy on us.
It is, it is Jesus's birthday. So I, yeah, it makes sense.
Bailey Garner (02:29.162)
You can say that, Album. That's fine.
Bailey Garner (02:38.702)
Mmm, that's good. I was gonna say mine is in sync. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays You know, that's good one Yeah, which one Well, it's fine so
Toby (02:44.302)
Well, yeah.
I have heard in sync. Still song or in sync for me? I know that's not sound like in sync.
Toby (02:56.67)
Hey, Prissy, I'm trying to get her to move on, Prissy, so you won't turn her off.
Bailey Garner (03:01.134)
One of the reasons I love that song is because of memories, because growing up Ross and I would, uh, spent like, have a sleepover Christmas Eve. I don't know how long we, when we stopped doing that, but this was when we were younger. And we would have Christmas lights and we'd have my big boom box or whatever they were called. And we would play the in sync Christmas CD. And that brings back good memories. So that's one of the reasons it's my favorite. So, um,
Toby (03:27.611)
Yeah.
Bailey Garner (03:31.026)
Okay, what about when do you put up your tree? Are you pre-Thanksgiving or post-Thanksgiving? I already know the answer, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Toby (03:38.222)
Okay now, people that don't know us, we just said we started listening to Christmas music two weeks before Christmas. Do you think we're pre-Thanksgiving or post-Thanksgiving? We are post Thanksgiving. Post.
Bailey Garner (03:52.119)
Do you have any holiday decor up yet?
Toby (03:54.986)
I have Christmas lights. But that's only because I didn't do them. Because the company that puts them up had to come early.
Bailey Garner (03:56.706)
That's good!
Bailey Garner (04:04.258)
Well, I remember growing up, mom, you did like the Christmas village. You did like you went all out for Christmas, I feel like. And then slowly you went down to a skinny tree and some other things. Well, what happened?
Toby (04:17.182)
It's random.
Toby (04:21.698)
Well, your kids leave the house and the motivation to make the house Christmassy, at least for us, yeah, kind of dropped a little bit. And so I think your mother went from, hey, let's get everything out to, hey, we wouldn't have to put near as much up. I wouldn't have to put near as much stuff up.
He's always like, hey honey, I'm sitting right here on moral support. You go right ahead. I'm like, okay, thanks. Everybody needs a cheerleader, baby. Everybody needs somebody to tell you can do it.
Bailey Garner (04:53.73)
I remember one year or a few years in a row, you didn't even take your ornaments off your tree, you just stuck it in the closet and then got it back out.
Toby (05:03.087)
That's the best thing ever. Yeah, we've gone to an open house for someone here and or someone back home and they have one of those lazy Susan things where it went into a closet on the lazy Susan. Push it in, pull it out every year and I thought sweet baby Jesus. That's what I thought when I saw that.
Bailey Garner (05:22.03)
smart. See, I think I would have thought, but I not obviously in the same season as you that as you get older, you put out more. And when your kids leave you, cause you can actually put out the breakables versus now right now I'm like, we're not buying anything nice because they're going to break it. So anyways, cause we, because this year when we decorated for Christmas, it was
Toby (05:41.655)
Yeah, you think, wouldn't you? That's what you would think.
Bailey Garner (05:51.718)
interesting. And I think one of our children broke at least three ornaments trying to put them on the tree because I wasn't going to let them do it. So yeah, sometimes it's Mary and Brian. Sometimes it's not. This is a time that Grant and I were like, okay, anyways, maybe we shouldn't have done this. So anyways. Oh, okay. Well, so getting into some of this more serious questions, we, um, so
Toby (06:11.984)
I'm sorry.
Bailey Garner (06:21.094)
my husband Grant and I are going to be traveling for Christmas. We don't live near all of our family sadly, but we do get the chance to go visit for quite a few days. And so, you know, dad, you always talk about thinking of the end in mind and what you want it to look like when it's over. And so, you know, I've been thinking through how I can prepare and...
you know, what, how grant and I can be on the same page, me and the kids. And so I wondered if you guys had any advice or things that you had learned along the way when, um, we were younger about like how to make the holiday season, uh, less stressful, more harmony within your family, if possible, because I know that you guys used to travel some too. So kind of share what y'all's experience was when we were growing up and anything that you feel like y'all advice, you could give someone who has younger kids.
that aren't in the same season as you are now.
Toby (07:18.582)
Did we learn anything? No, I hope so. You know, it's funny. I just did a webinar. We have a monthly webinar for folks who are a part of team Gobi. Go to be a Gobi.com. You're not heard of team Gobi. It's a monthly subscription and we, we do a monthly webinar and I just did one on creating harmony in the holidays, you know, and, uh, I gave, I won't go into all of it, but I gave like five, here's five things that I would do if I was.
had little kids, younger children, and I'm just gonna be traveling or gonna have a lot of family together. And again, I won't give you off high, but I will tell you one is, I think that if once a week at least, the family sits down and when they do a fun activity, the mom and or dad, let them know what the next week is gonna look like. Kind of a family meeting, like, okay, next week, we're gonna do this and remember this, and this is how much tablet time you get.
when we travel and remember we're going to stop here to go to the bathroom and get something to eat and remember this. Anyway, you just tell them what the next few days you're going to be, then you get to grandma's house and hey, this week we're at grandma's. Now remember, we all go to bed at this time. And you just, so it's not an in the moment kind of thing that you're reacting to the lack of normalcy and routine. It's you, you're creating a new normal.
in an out of normal routine for your kids. And I think that could be one of the, I think that's one of the best things that families can do. The problem is mom and dad, or you know, you're stressed, getting things ready to go or to have people to your home, or you're like you are Bailey, Christmas crazy and you're just excited about the deal. And so those, we tend to have to react in that moment.
and it doesn't ever work out the way we'd like for it to work out. I'm not saying there's any like magic pills, but I think that's one of the five things that I talked about on the webinar that I think you can do to make that season better.
Bailey Garner (09:29.775)
Okay, did y'all do that when we were growing up?
Toby (09:33.642)
I think your mom was really good about, hey, we're going to Grammy and Granddad's house and here's how long it's going to take. And just having, you know, just that calm conversation before we left. Now she had something when you said, why can't we do so-and-so? Ross never did that. He was perfect, but you did a lot. She could say, well, remember, here's what we said. And so there's something to go back to.
Bailey Garner (10:00.895)
Mm-hmm.
Bailey Garner (10:04.334)
How did you guys manage?
Bailey Garner (10:08.798)
You know, I assume y'all were traveling. Did y'all go to multiple places in one holiday or did you usually only go one place?
Toby (10:16.39)
a few years we did and then we said okay that's too hard because we were going like we were going to Houston and Central Texas I mean so we were if they were long distances not quite the same as what you do where it's like an hour away but still it's hard but um so we only did that for a few years and then we said okay we're gonna stay here and or either we would do one
So, but it, I think just looking back, I think you was just like not try to do, like if there's so much you can do, but you gotta say, okay, that's not, that's not healthy. We can't do everything as much as we want to, but just try not to pack too much stuff in. Yeah, don't forget, I was.
Bailey Garner (11:08.575)
Yeah.
Toby (11:11.73)
leading a church then and we were we had started you know candlelight Christmas Eve services and so that was kind of for me a good bad thing the bad thing was I was really tired when I got home on Christmas Eve after six or seven of those but the good thing was I mean we couldn't go anywhere you know we were working on Christmas Eve and so folks came to us.
Bailey Garner (11:37.294)
How did you guys, how did y'all manage being intentional with your extended family and making that a priority, but then also doing what was best for your immediate family? Because I think that that's something that is hard for lots of families is, it's important to do it all. It feels like you gotta do it all and how do you balance those things? You have any?
tips for us.
Toby (12:09.838)
I mean, I do feel like it's so important to make the effort to be with extended family, but it isn't always easy. And especially the older kids get and the more activities they're involved in and your family's doing different things than Ross's family. And depending on how far away you live, it's hard. But I think...
One thing that we had to do too, because of working at the churches, it just didn't have to be the day. Like it didn't have to be the day of, like it could be that weekend or whatever, which it had to be that way for us, but it also was, we just were like, it's okay, it doesn't have to be. And a lot of families that can do that day, it is. Like you...
everybody comes this day or we don't do it. You know, we just had to let that go. Yeah, and I think...
You've heard me say this about other things, but you avoid the extremes. That's the thing. The extreme is we're not seeing anybody. We're not going anywhere. This is about my kids. Well, what does that say to your kids? What you're saying to kids that the whole world's about them. And that's the message they start receiving. So that's an extreme that you want to avoid. But then the other extreme is, hey, we're going to run around with our hair on fire. Our kids are going to be ballistic.
Because we travel from one house to the next house to the next house because we want everybody to be happy. And that's another extreme. And so you have to find, I think, a place in the middle and be comfortable with the tension of being in the middle, that it's not going to be either extreme.
Bailey Garner (14:03.618)
Mm-hmm.
Do you have like anything that y'all did? Well, so when we travel, Grant tells me that I turn into a different person he does not like to be around. And it usually starts with the packing when I, cause it just stresses me out. And you know, in the past.
We've gotten in arguments because I feel like I'm doing everything. He just wants me to tell him what he needs to do. I want him to just know what he needs to do. And we've had to learn, like, you know, he packs up the boys and I can't be upset if he didn't pack the outfits I like, but he's helping me. You know, like it's a give and take and I'm going to pack up Esther or whatever. But I still feel like it's helpful to. Communicate.
beforehand before we ever are going to go on a trip. And so are there anything just between spouses, you know, you and your spouse that you can do before going on a trip where you're going to be with different families and in some stressful environments to get on the same page and just would help communication.
Toby (15:11.318)
Well, let me just tell you that that's just normal. Like, it's normal. And I just feel like everybody's out of their normal, routine, and so emotions get a little bit raised for everybody. And I personally, I needed to make sure that I was still giving him the attention.
that he needed that I would normally give him with everybody else wasn't around. You know, because then he knew I was still thinking about him, considering him, whatever. But I think too what you're saying, you have to release some things like, okay, you pack the kids and I don't care. I mean, you have to, because I would have done the same thing, like I wanna make sure everything is just right, we're making sure we get everything, and dad would be like, fine, you know.
But you have to give some of those things up and be OK with it and know that at the end of the day, it's going to be fine. Yeah, I mean, what worked for us, I'm not saying this is for everyone, but mom decided what was going and I was the pack meal. Because it was unfair. It's unfair for you to say to Grant, I want you to do this without me telling you what to do and then being upset that there wasn't something there.
And so my thing was, Hey, you're better at knowing what needs to be there. And I can carry everything and Tetris kind of play Tetris and get everything in the car the way we needed to go. And so for us, it was the separation of duties, but you know, the difference between, I think your mother and you is she actually started ahead of time. It's changed a lot of things. No, when you're leaving the next morning and it's 10 o'clock and it's like, okay, let's pack.
Bailey Garner (16:57.442)
I'm sorry.
Toby (17:05.078)
That's a recipe for disaster.
Bailey Garner (17:06.798)
That's true. That is true. I am the worst procrastinator when it comes to packing. I hate it so much. Just talking about it right now is making me feel anxious. Um, yeah. What about like, I'm thinking about when Grant and I are traveling and we're in stressful situations, like say I'm feeling anxious in a situation and he's not, you know, I feel like it might
Toby (17:16.95)
You might want to go get started today. Maybe you could go today.
Bailey Garner (17:35.954)
Did y'all ever have to do this? Like, I feel like it might be helpful for us to have some kind of code word or something where we can communicate with one another. Like, I'm on the struggle bus right now. Or I'm feeling really one certain way so that, you know, because otherwise I'll end up blowing up on him later, you know. But if he knew, oh, this is a really stressful situation for me. He might could help me out. Did y'all ever have to do that or like?
figure out something for, you know, when you're just in a more stressful environment with lots of people around.
Toby (18:07.202)
I just feel like that we, you have to step back and think, why is he acting that way? Why am I acting that way? And, you know, cause there are those times where one of you is overwhelmed, the other one's not, or with their family or my family, it's just different, you know, and so I think you just have to kind of be.
give a little grace and say, okay, what's going on that's making one of the other react that way and okay, I need to be more intentional about doing this or not doing that or checking in or, you know, or even just voicing what, what I'm feeling so stressed about, you know, but
I think both, just both going into it thinking there's going to be some times and we both need to be aware and just kind of go, this is not normal situation. We've got to just give each other a little bit of grace and not, you know, react. Yeah. And kind of, I think what we did was mom kind of took the lead when we were with her family and.
I kind of dropped back a little and I kind of took the lead with my family. She kind of dropped back a little, but part of maturity, it wasn't like this in the early years, but as we matured, it was like, Hey man, look, when it's all over, who's sitting here? It's me and her. It's not me and her and my kids and my parents. It's me and her. And so I think when, when it clicks that, Hey man, we're in this together. It's not about me. It's not about you. It's about us.
things get better than these. I mean, so you're gonna be overwhelmed. I mean, it's the, you know, holly jolly Christmas, I mean, it's a part of it. And at some point, it becomes not about each of you, but about both of you. And that's why I think a lot of this stress comes.
Toby (20:20.074)
Because man, when we're in pain, we become pretty narcissistic. It becomes about us. And so mom and I just, I don't know how far we were into it after lots of years of it not being a pleasant experience of saying, man, it's going to be about us. And we're a team here. And I think that helped us the most.
Bailey Garner (20:44.158)
Yeah, that's good for sure. I think that can also apply to the kids. I think about when you're traveling and they're not acting like they would at home or they're doing different things. And you're like, for me, I really want them to be on their best behavior in front of our family, but that's not realistic. But when they're acting out, asking yourself why, and it could end.
evaluating that first before I'm quick to, you know, be like so hard on them, I guess, because it is just such a different, they're in just different routines and things like that. So to have grace for them too.
Toby (21:27.466)
Yes, for sure. You got grace, grace all around. Grace for the crazy uncle and grace for your kid.
Bailey Garner (21:30.253)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Exactly. Well, do you all have any favorite Christmas traditions?
Toby (21:42.27)
I mean, I feel like we've had good ones. I just feel like our Mexican food meal on Christmas Eve night was always fun. And our stockings were always a big deal and that was really fun for the giver and the receiver. You know, I mean.
Bailey Garner (21:59.31)
Hmm.
Toby (22:11.638)
Papa always does and did with y'all too, like the reindeer food or whatever, that was always fun. What else? I think you covered them all. Shine on Us became a huge part of our life, this song that we ended Christmas Eve with. When I stepped out of that role in our church, mom and I started a new tradition. We went...
back in our room with these little wickless candles and found a YouTube, Shining Us, and we had a little Shining Us moment, and it was special. And, you know, so we have traditions from when our kids were little, and we're trying to build new traditions in this season of our life. Yeah. And a big old snake dinner on Christmas Day. Woo woo! Ha ha ha. Yep. Ha ha.
Bailey Garner (22:57.902)
that's good.
Bailey Garner (23:02.006)
That's right. And twice baked potatoes. Yum. So good. I love that. What about your favorite, you have any favorite Christmas memories that stick out when you think about, you know, anything fun or funny or not so good? I don't know. Just any memories you'd want to share about this time of the year with your families or us.
Toby (23:28.198)
Oh, my favorite memory, I think, has got to be the year that one of my friends had the authentic, I mean, the real deal Santa suit and came to the house and walked in front of y'all's room and y'all were bouncing off the walls that you had gotten to see Santa. That would be one. And then, Mom, I bet yours is when we were on the 30th of August. Yeah. And Ross got keys and you got reigns.
Bailey Garner (23:36.611)
Mm-hmm.
Toby (23:56.386)
for a horse and a four-wheeler that was so fun. Yeah it was fun. Yeah.
Bailey Garner (23:58.274)
That was the best. That was cool. I still remember that one for sure. And I remember when we got Bud, I think, the kitten, and it was in a box and that was at the Keller house. I mean, that was great.
Toby (24:09.469)
Oh yeah.
Toby (24:13.834)
Yeah, I love that one. I just love it. And then, you know, Disney last year was probably so exciting. Yeah, that's about on bud level right there. It was fun giving it. Giving it was much more fun than actually doing it. Oh, just for you.
Bailey Garner (24:28.043)
Get it?
Whatever. It was fun. Gideon, Gideon this year was like, I wonder where honey pop are taking us next year. What are we going to get for Christmas? I was like, um, might not be a trip this time. And he was, it's so funny. So can't top Disney. I don't think for that. And their eyes at least, but, um, I think I remember what y'all are going to shake your heads at me. I remember one year I've, and this could be a terrible memory, but
Toby (24:37.187)
Ha!
Toby (24:45.74)
I know.
Yeah.
Bailey Garner (24:59.418)
I, uh, Ross got roller blades. I feel like everyone got roller blades, but me. And I was like, why did the entire family get rollerblades? And so now I look back on that and I'm like, I was so, I mean, it's just funny looking at it from a parent because that always happens on Christmas morning where for me, at least I feel like I'm so excited about giving my kids stuff. And then they always have something to say about it. And I'm like, really?
I was trying so hard and every year grants like prepared for my disappointment of some gift that didn't go good that I was so excited about.
Toby (25:34.827)
I don't remember. I wonder what you got that I thought you wouldn't want rollerblades. I don't know I just remember trying to give you rollerblades and your mom said no, I can't remember
Bailey Garner (25:40.223)
I don't know.
Bailey Garner (25:48.854)
That is not my favorite memory, it just jogs. It just is interesting to reflect on that now being a parent and being like, oh my gosh, you can never win, you know? But I feel like, dad, you've always too, we've always done traditions, but then you always like to also change up things, which is fun. Like, one year you made donuts, homemade donuts.
Toby (25:57.81)
Yeah. No.
Bailey Garner (26:16.61)
donuts for breakfast. And then I really liked when you started doing the family gift. And I decided maybe we need to start doing that when there's something I really want for our family. I'm gonna give it as a family gift. I like, dad was strategic and we got Apple TV one year and I was like, yes. And I looked back and like, that was smart. Let's do a family gift.
Toby (26:22.328)
So yeah.
Toby (26:41.668)
Grant, I'm sorry, I apologize.
Bailey Garner (26:45.509)
Oh my gosh. Okay. So, um, any last like words of wisdom or things you would like to tell, you know, the younger generation when they're in this season of the holidays, like advice you'd want to give them or things you wish you would have known.
Toby (27:05.546)
Well, I was thinking about when my stressor was everything needed to be exactly equal, you know, down to the dollar and everything. That was him. This was his reaction. And I would be the night before having it all laid out going, oh my gosh, you know. With her calculator. We're 37 cents off. What are we going to do? And so I finally let that go. But gosh, yeah, don't make it too hard on yourself, I think.
Bailey Garner (27:16.302)
I'm sorry.
Toby (27:34.43)
You know, it's just, it's so sweet to be with everybody and it doesn't have to be some huge thing, you know.
Bailey Garner (27:44.782)
Mm-hmm.
Toby (27:47.85)
Yeah, I mean, what I wish I would have known then that I know now is, I mean, the relationships are the reward of the holidays. That's it. And all the other stuff, there's nothing wrong with the other stuff, but it's all way down the list from relationships are what the reward of the season is. And so may kind of, you know, lower your expectations of perfection and just enjoy the people that are your
family and your closest friends and it doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful and to be everything that God wants it to be for your family and you'll sit here one day and laugh like we are about things that were a big deal that really aren't. Yeah.
Bailey Garner (28:33.848)
Mm-hmm.
Bailey Garner (28:41.338)
Mm-hmm. That's good. Thank you. Well, we have to end on a cheery holiday note. And so we're gonna play a little game. And we're gonna.
Toby (28:51.39)
On this 15 minute, on this 15 minute mini episode that is now 28 minutes and 50 seconds. It's a special holiday one. Oh, yeah. Let's just do this. It'll be like 15 minutes. Sorry, Percy. It's a special holiday one. Oh, yeah. Let's just do this. It'll be like 15 minutes.
Bailey Garner (28:55.002)
Exactly. It's just been, it's been fun. Come on. People will like it. Okay. Whatever. So I'm going to play a song, a Christmas song, and I'm going to pause it and I want to see if you can finish the lyrics.
Toby (29:13.833)
I know I told her you'd be better, but I'm gonna try. Yeah.
Bailey Garner (29:16.458)
Ready? Okay.
Toby (29:33.998)
Christmas. She did great, honey. I don't know the words. All I want to do is how it ends.
Bailey Garner (29:38.774)
What's next?
Bailey Garner (29:45.719)
Yeah, you're right. That's good. Okay, you ready for the next one?
Toby (29:49.111)
Yeah.
Toby (29:52.331)
This will be him.
Toby (30:00.33)
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus Lane.
Bailey Garner (30:04.006)
Very good, very good, very good. That was good. Okay, one more. All right, let's see here.
Toby (30:09.922)
Okay.
Toby (30:21.102)
Jingle bell rock. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bell something, something. But can you sing a song from your first grade on Christmas? I could, but I'm not going to. Why? Because I'm not opening myself. I get enough ridicule. You don't know one. Oh yeah, you're right. You don't know one. I don't, baby. I'm sorry. I just don't remember. You're scared. I'm scared. That's why I'm scared.
Bailey Garner (30:25.218)
Good job. Very good.
Bailey Garner (30:32.138)
Yeah, please sing us your favorite one.
Bailey Garner (30:42.056)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bailey Garner (30:47.335)
Oh, oh, yep. Cut them open. Fear comes out.
Toby (30:51.511)
Wow. You guys are welcome to my live show here.
Bailey Garner (30:57.631)
All right. Well, thank y'all for doing this short slash 30 minute podcast episode. I hope maybe we'll break it up into two episodes. We could do that. Yeah. Can you wish everyone a happy, happy Christmas?
Toby (31:03.272)
Thank you for our mini edition. Happy Holidays! Okay. Yeah. Merry Christmas.
Bailey Garner (31:13.846)
Love y'all. Merry Christmas to all our listeners. And we'll see you next year.
Toby (31:17.142)
Yes. Next year. Woohoo! Bye.
Bailey Garner (31:21.558)
Bye!